Mark Shpall with son Sam at Camp Alonim in 2002. Photo courtesy of Mark Shpall

Maybe it was no accident that Mark Shpall met his wife, Tammy, at Camp Alonim near Simi Valley more than 20 years ago. Maybe it was in his DNA.

After all, his parents, Bev and Bob, found true love there a generation earlier.

“We met in 1960,” Bev said. “I was only 17 at the time, and he was 21, but I knew he was someone special.”

A few years later, while Bob was in medical school, the two were wed — at Camp Alonim, of course.

In subsequent years, Bob often served as camp doctor (a mantle more recently picked up by his son Andy) and his wife worked as camp nurse. Their four children became regulars at the summer sleep-away located on the Brandeis-Bardin Campus (now owned by American Jewish University) with life-changing results.

Mark is an administrator at New Community Jewish High School, along with his wife.

Tammy said that when she and her husband were youngsters at camp, their relationship was like the movie “When Harry Met Sally … .”

“We were [counselor-in-training] advisers together at Camp Alonim … and we became really good friends. And somewhere along the line, a few summers later, something just clicked.”

They weren’t the only ones.

“Two uncles and aunts met at Alonim,” Mark said. “My brother met his wife there. My sister-in-law met her husband there. My other sister married a guy who had been at Alonim.

“In fact,” Mark added, “that was part of Shlomo Bardin’s philosophy. Dr. Bardin said that Camp Alonim was a place to find your Jewish spouse.”

Meeting one’s bashert may have been one of Bardin’s considerations when the educator founded Camp Alonim in 1953 as a way to fight Jewish assimilation, but it’s far from the minds of most youngsters who attend or who work as counselors or counselors-in-training.

Instead, the most vibrant camp-time memories for Renee Wasserman, Mark’s younger sister, recalled the pageantry of Maccabiah, a color war game.

“Each time it had a different theme,” she said. “One time, it was ‘M*A*S*H,’ so the judges entered by way of helicopters. Another time, they came in by horseback. I mean, they really went all out.”

Although Renee and her family now live in Missouri, this summer she’ll bring her three daughters to Camp Alonim, a place they’ve been coming to for years. The oldest of the three girls, 9-year-old Halle, said she likes “horseback riding, Shabbat and the talent show. And dancing — Israeli dancing. And seeing all my friends again.”

“She’s a camper,” Renee said. “She was born a camper.”

Indeed she was — a third-generation Alonim camper.

Mark and Tammy Shpall, center, were married at Camp Alonim in 1993. Photo courtesy of Mark Shpall

The Shpalls aren’t the only family that’s ever boasted three generations at Alonim, but they still manage to stand out, according to camp director Josh Levine.

“This family in particular, the level of ongoing involvement that all three generations have, is pretty special and unique,” he said. “The Shpalls not only have been involved in camp for many years, but they’re great ambassadors for camp and its values.”

Mark said that every aspect of Camp Alonim, which hosts 900 overnight campers during the course of a summer, is structured according to the late Bardin’s ideas. Those can be summed up as: First you touch, then you teach.

“Instead of just teaching about Judaism in a class at camp, it means living Jewish: Jewish arts, Jewish singing, Jewish drama, Jewish horseback riding, Jewish archery,” he said.

So the campers sing Israeli songs, or ones with Jewish content. They dance Israeli dances, do art with Jewish or Israeli themes and maintain respect for Jewish values in every camp activity.

“Once you feel that you’re living Jewish,” Mark said, “then you can teach about being Jewish. … It’s an experiential process.”

Listen to any alum and you’ll hear that it’s a lot of fun as well. Children can start attending as day-campers when they’re entering kindergarten; the big leap is when they can be “in the bunk” as overnight campers entering second grade. Tammy and Mark’s youngest, 7-year-old Shaun, said he’s excited to be in the bunk for the first time this coming summer.

“I feel good about it,” said Shaun, whose favorite part of the summer experience is archery.

One of Shaun’s older siblings, Sam, 17, said he’s going back to Camp Alonim this summer in the Gesher (Hebrew for “bridge”) program, where he’ll help in the art room.

“The kids come in, we give them an art project, and we help them do it — help them with ideas, tools, anything like that,” he said.

“For me, the best thing about Alonim is the people. My best friend is someone I met at camp eight years ago. The programs are great, but it’s really the people you meet and the culture of camp that are great,” Sam continued. “It’s like a big family.”

How does Sam feel about being a third-generation camper at Alonim?

“It just makes it that much more meaningful that I’m carrying on a tradition,” he said.

His grandmother Bev — who over the last 50-plus years has been involved as a camper, counselor, camp nurse and, most recently, “camp mom” — couldn’t agree more.

“As our grandchildren continue the Alonim tradition, we know how very blessed we are to have been part of it.”

Summer is here, and so is the time for Jewish camp. Maya Robin, a 10-year-old from Tarzana, ought to know — she keeps an online calendar counting down the days until she returns to her favorite home away from home at Camp Ramah in California, where she has spent the past four summers.

As a veteran of the Conservative Ojai camp, Robin knows exactly what to expect. For first-timers, though, the excitement can be mixed with the trepidation of being away from home, living without parents, meeting fresh faces and experiencing new routines.

What should I pack? Will I make any friends? What if I don’t like it?

Fortunately, campers — past and present — along with counselors and staff have plenty of suggestions to cast off any worries (or at least deal with them) and get straight to the fun.

Preventing homesickness

“Everybody at camp had a first day,” said Rich Robin, Maya’s father and a Camp Ramah alum.

Which means everyone knows how first-time campers feel and can relate to some level of homesickness that often accompanies them. The key is to not let that feeling take over, according to Josh Levine, director of Camp Alonim, located on the Brandeis-Bardin Campus (now owned by American Jewish University).

“One of the ways to deal with homesickness is to realize that it’s normal in some way; it’s part of going away from home. Campers should not feel like they have to deal with it themselves,” Levine said. “When it does happen, it’s normal and natural.”

If most campers do experience homesickness at some point or another, there are ways to help deal with it — or even prevent it. One strategy is to bring a little bit of home to camp by arriving with a special blanket or photos of friends and family, said Camp Ramah’s associate director, Ariella Moss Peterseil.

Lilliana Shvartsmann, 18, a former camper of eight years from West Hills, followed this advice when she attended Camp Alonim.

“Treat your bed area like a college dorm. Bring pictures and decorations that make you feel comfortable,” she said. “I like to bring pictures of my family and friends. That way you know that they are still there, but you are still having a great time at camp.”

Each camp has a support system to help campers deal with any problems, particularly homesickness. Ramah, for example, has a yoetzet (literally “adviser”) for each age group. This adult, often a mother, is there to help the campers, unit heads and staff. Camp Alonim has a “camp mom” to provide TLC and act as a liaison with parents. And there are the rest of the counselors and staff, too.

Once at camp, climb to the top of the rock-climbing wall. Go horseback riding. Join the camp musical.

And just because a child is at summer camp does not mean that all communication is closed off. Writing letters to friends and family is a common activity that not only allows campers to share their experience but also maintain a connection to the outside world.

“Prepare for not speaking to your family back at home, but go with a lot of envelopes and stamps. Make sure you always have that avenue of communication,” said Rabbi Kenny Pollack, director of Moshava Malibu, a Modern Orthodox camp.

Another way to fight homesickness begins before camp even starts. Ruben Arquilevich, senior director at the Union for Reform Judaism’s Camp Newman in Santa Rosa, Calif., advises new camp families to get together with other campers from their temple or Jewish community for pizza or ice cream prior to the start of camp. That way, the campers will have a few friendly faces when they arrive. Some sleep-aways, like Ramah, encourage new campers to attend their “New Camper Day,” in which all of the parents and campers can come and learn about camp.

Plus, many young campers arrive at camp without ever having spent a night away from home. Prevent this from becoming an obstacle by making sure the child has had experience sleeping somewhere else, even if just at the home of a friend or grandparent.

There’s one thing that parent’s shouldn’t do: take matters into their own hands in a way that might conflict with camp policy.

“It is important for parents to work with the camp, not circumvent the camp procedures. For example, if the rule is no cell phones in the bunk, parents should not encourage a kid to sneak a phone into the bunk,” Pollack said.

Similarly, parents should not promise their kids early pickups if the child is unhappy. Parents should work with the camp, not make the camp an antagonist, in order to create a successful summer for the kids.

Making the most of it

Once at camp, climb to the top of the rock-climbing wall. Go horseback riding. Join the camp musical. It may seem scary, but campers across the board explain that every experience has the potential to be a good one.

“There will be a lot of what you like and what you don’t like, and a lot of what you don’t like is probably because you’ve never tried it before,” said Sam Furie, a former camper and current counselor at Camp Hess Kramer, run by Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Malibu.

“It all comes down to being open and trying new things,” the 19-year-old from Encino said. “Other kids want to have a good time, too. There’s so much energy, it’s contagious.”

Furie said his one regret about his time as a camper is that he was not outgoing enough, explaining that there is no need to wait for a particular opportunity to talk to someone. Camp is only a few weeks long, so talk to everyone whenever and wherever you can.

Yonit Robin, 12, Maya’s sister, arrived at Camp Ramah with plenty of fears, but her friends helped change all that.

“On one of the overnights, there was a surfing option. I was scared of the waves so I didn’t want to go on it, but I ended up anyways because my friends were doing it, and I really enjoyed it,” she said.

Shvartsmann also found an incredible payoff to overcoming her fears at camp.

“The first time I was asked to ride horses at camp, I was extremely scared,” she said. “That first time I got on my first horse, named Sammy, it was a feeling like no other. It took a little time getting used to riding the horse, but I felt so accomplished. I was able to control the horse, have a good time, and see some beautiful sights up in the mountains.”

Emily Plutsky, 19, of Santa Monica, who attended Camp Newman for seven years, summed things up simply: “Whenever there’s an opportunity to go on a hike, whenever there’s something optional, always take the option.”

One of the main elements that distinguish Jewish summer camps from other sleep-away camps is the Judaic aspect. Each of these Jewish summer camps has prayer and Jewish learning opportunities for campers. Often, campers are hesitant to participate or take advantage of the religious opportunities until they are older, but those who do note the impact.

“Prayer is fun at camp; it’s not boring,” said Yonit Robin, who will be spending her fifth summer at Camp Ramah. “They make it fun to pray. They make songs out of the prayers. You are with your friends, and you are outdoors.”

Arquilevich said it offers participants something greater out of the summer experience, if only participants would choose to accept it.

“For the older campers, we hope for them to welcome the opportunity to reflect on their lives and to pause and to really think about the sweetness and challenges in their lives and to value what the Jewish community can bring them.”

In the end, no matter what angle you consider it from, how much you get out of Jewish summer camp depends on how much you put into it, according to Nurit Robin, the mother of Maya and Ronit — and a former camper.

“Camp is awesome, but you have to be willing to have a good time,” she said. “So take the month and enjoy yourself.”

Pack smart

Packing is often the most exciting part of the build-up to camp, but there is always stress over what to bring and what not to forget. Here are some tips on less obvious things you won’t want to leave behind.

Decorations (pictures, removable stickers, posters) will liven up the bunk area.
Dress-up clothes can be used almost every night, so bring colored tights, suspenders and fun attire.
Dryer sheets inside your pillowcase will help keep mosquitoes away.
Extra white shirts can be cut up or get messy for theme nights.
Nail polish is perfect for potential spa days on Shabbat.
Plain pillowcases can be used as autograph mementos at camp’s end or as storage bags.
Safety pins are nice for making friendship bracelets (bring string, too) and pinning socks together.
Solid-color clothing in various shades will allow you to be on any color war team.
Surprise mementos from parents, such as letters or toys, are great pick-me-ups when campers unpack their suitcase.
Ziploc bags are a good way to keep objects organized in suitcases and on shelves.

Kids and summer — they go hand in hand.

Every child knows the longer, sunnier and hotter days are perfect for building sandcastles, riding bikes and splashing around the pool. Summer is the refreshing pause between school terms that gives birth to family road trips and Jewish sleep-away camp.

That’s what this issue of TRIBE is dedicated to — youngsters, summer and getting the most out of both of them. The secret is simpler than you might think: Get out of the house and go.

As the father of a 3-year-old, I speak from experience. Some of my fondest father-son moments have happened through the discoveries we’ve made together during our many outdoor adventures, some dating back before Elijah could walk.

I’m happy to report that if you’re a TRIBE reader, our area is full of things to do without having to head “over the hill.” These are a few of my — and Elijah’s — personal favorites:

Van Nuys Airport. What do little boys love more than airplanes? Not much, except maybe pretending to be one themselves. This busy general aviation airport, where portions of “Casablanca” and other movies were filmed, has planes coming and going constantly, an easy-access viewing area and a kid-sized runway perfect (and safe) for play.

Getty Villa. The attraction for children of this beautiful Malibu villa modeled on an ancient Roman country house has nothing to do with the treasures housed inside (although my son did love the echoes he could make there). The real jewels for them are the intricate gardens, with their sculptures and fountains. Ditto for the villa’s sibling located in the Sepulveda Pass.

Zuma Beach. My favorite beach. Ever. Maybe that’s because it’s the first place I ever saw dolphins pass by in the ocean, or because, on a random Friday, my son and I once spent a magical afternoon there — sitting in the sand, dipping our toes in the water as the waves chased us to and fro — feeling like we were the only people on earth.

Anthony C. Beilenson Park. Anyone who has visited this giant Van Nuys recreation area, formerly known as Balboa Park, knows that it’s no secret, but that doesn’t make it any less worth mentioning. The frenetic playground near Lake Balboa is second-to-none and the nearby Japanese Garden provides a calm contrast.

California State University, Northridge, Botanical Pond. Tucked away from the crowds in a corner of the university’s orange grove is a small pond filled with turtles, ducks and a few big fish just begging to be fed. A hidden gem.

Hanson Dam Aquatic Center. This is not a typical swimming pool; this is a 1.5-acre, chlorinated swimming lake in Lake View Terrace that can accommodate 2,800 people. The enormous shallow end and gentle incline make it ideal for little fish like Elijah just learning how to swim.

Underwood Family Farms. My mom grew up on a farm, so I naturally was drawn to this attraction in Moorpark, and I was pleased to find that it didn’t disappoint my son either. When he wasn’t feeding emus and other random animals, he was enjoying a tractor ride and helping to pick strawberries (one in his mouth … one in his plastic container …).

These are just a few of the special places we’ve returned to again and again. Of course there are many others in Santa Barbara (see page 40), Pasadena and elsewhere. And that doesn’t even begin to cover all of the hiking options.

The important thing isn’t which place you choose to visit, only that you find something you and your family will like. Summer is here; get ready to make memories.

When the Wall Street Journal recently ran a satirical op-ed from a high school student taking aim at college admission diversity requirements, Sam Lyons took his passionate retort to his Huffington Post blog.

The Harvard-Westlake School senior, who is attending Vanderbilt University in the fall, interviewed a former admissions officer and wrote, “Why Suzy Lee Weiss Is Completely Wrong.”

“It’s so cool to just be able to have a voice that’s heard,” he said.

The 17-year-old has been writing for the Huffington Post since December 2011, when he contributed, “Life’s Ultimate Question: Which Peanuts Character Are You?” His answer to that question, on which he based his college essay, is Linus. “In my essay, I talk about the intellectualism that Linus and I both have, [as well as] our fear of letting things go and moving forward,” he said.

Lyons has written 13 published blog posts for HuffPo, including, “What Getting Hit by a Car Taught Me About Morality.” His posts generate comments and conversation, especially his response to Suzy Lee Weiss, whose “To (All) the Colleges That Rejected Me” earned her an appearance on the “Today” show.

In addition to blogging, Lyons communicates to people through music. He plays the drums and guitar in his leisure time, and at school he performs on the piano in the jazz band.

“I started playing piano when my mom signed me up for lessons in first grade, and I fell in love with music,” he said. “The other instruments were products of my curiosity and desire to explore other roles in a band.”

His favorite musicians are Vijay Iyer, Marc Cary, Brad Mehldau, Adam Benjamin, Herbie Hancock and Sloan, which he calls the “Canadian Beatles.” Although his focus at Vanderbilt likely will be math, science, law or debate, one of the school’s draws is that it’s in Nashville, Tenn. “There is music everywhere,” he said. “Even though I’m not studying it, it’s a part of my life.”

Along with his jazz band participation, Lyons is part of Harvard-Westlake’s mock trial and cross-country teams; on the latter, he won an award for being an exemplary runner. “I was never the fastest kid on the team, never the most talented — I actually never quite made it to the varsity level — but I gave the sport everything I had,” he said. “I would run until I couldn’t feel my legs anymore; I’d cross every finish line even if I had to crawl. I attended every practice and was a leader among my peers, never overlooking anyone on the team.”

Ariana Kelly, who has been Lyons’ English teacher for two years, said she thinks “the world of Sam. His genuine enthusiasm for a wide range of subjects as well as the generosity of his intellect reminds me of why I teach. I learn from him more than he learns from me.”

Lyons doesn’t know yet what he wants his career to be. He just hopes to contribute meaning to the world with whatever type of work he chooses. “What I really want to do is be at the forefront of something,” he said. “I want to make a difference.”

As a key leader in a number of organizations at Sierra Canyon School in Chatsworth, it’s hard to imagine that Michael Sacks ever felt left out. After all, the 18-year-old senior is student body president, chapter co-founder and co-president of Future Business Leaders of America, team captain of the speech and debate and mock trial clubs and business director and opinion editor of the school paper, The Trailblazer.

And yet…

“As an observant Jewish student at a secular school, I often felt as if I was the ‘odd one out’ for keeping kosher, observing Shabbat or missing school on Jewish holidays,” he said.

The answer for Sacks was United Synagogue Youth (USY), the Jewish youth group associated with the Conservative movement for which he now is international president.

“USY provided me with a community of empowerment, one that truly allowed me to become comfortable with my Judaism and with myself,” said Sacks, a former regional vice president and president and international board member.

As president, he travels to the East Coast a few times per year to help set up conferences and communicate with the organization’s leadership. Sacks also serves as representative of six states in the West, including Hawaii, making sure “all operations on a youth level are continuing on a day-to-day basis.”

His personal initiatives at the organization involve connecting USY alumni with present members. Sacks said he is creating an alumni college database of former USY members to help prospective college students navigate the application process. And for two years, he has worked on USY Speaks, which he said “reaches out to every single congregation that has a USY chapter in the country, urging the congregational leadership to afford a past or present USYer [a chance] to speak about his or her experience in USY.”

Along with his work at USY, the Calabasas resident attended Camp Ramah in the Berkshires, a Jewish summer camp in New York, where he was a counselor-in-training for children with special needs.

An accomplished student, Sacks plans on attending Harvard in the fall. When he’s older, Sacks wants to work for an institution like the World Bank or the International Monetary Fund. “I always thought those were cool,” he said.

In addition to his keen interest in government, Sacks is passionate about social issues. He is the chapter president of the Human Rights Watch Student Task Force at his school, where he sets up speeches, conducts informational sessions and leads social action campaigns. In 2011, he founded Bridging the Gap, a club that brings in speakers to talk about the Middle East conflict.

Sacks said his ultimate goal in life involves making an impact on the world that extends far beyond the confines of Southern California. “I realize that I have been blessed with opportunity at every step of the way,” he said, “and I hope to make the best of those opportunities.”

When most Jewish parents welcome a baby boy into the family, they arrange for a brit milah (ritual circumcision). This mitzvah officially serves to introduce the baby to the Jewish community. Now everyone can relax, right?

Not necessarily.

If this boy happens to be the firstborn in his family, there is another ceremony, albeit little-known, that is meant to follow. Pidyon ha-ben, literally, “redemption of the firstborn,” is one of the 613 commandments that Jews are required to observe. The ceremony must take place when the baby is 30 days old and considered to be a viable child.

“We have been doing this since we left Egypt,” said Rabbi Choni Marozov of Chabad of Santa Clarita Valley. “This is a mitzvah, something commanded by Torah.”

Before the Israelites were freed from slavery, the final plague inflicted upon the Egyptians was the slaying of firstborn sons. Because Jewish children were exempt, pidyon ha-ben is considered one way of remembering what God did as part of the Exodus.

“Another reason for the mitzvah is that the first of many things are consecrated for God,” Marozov said. “The first fruits, first animals, etc. Everything belongs to God. … The first of everything would generally be brought to the temple in Jerusalem or to the Kohen [the high priest].”

The redemption of the firstborn is commanded by the Torah (Numbers 18:15). While this mitzvah sounds simple enough, there are rather strict requirements for determining who can be redeemed. For example, the child of a Levite or a Kohen does not need to be redeemed because, in a sense, he would be redeeming himself to himself. (Priestly duties were conferred to the Levites following the episode with the golden calf because they were the only tribe not to participate.)

Another restriction is that a mother only may redeem her firstborn son, while a father may participate in the ceremony more than once (if, say, he has a child with a second wife). The child must be born naturally rather than via Caesarean section because the baby must be the first to open the mother’s womb. With so many babies being born via C-section today, it’s not surprising that many Jewish parents are unfamiliar with the ritual.

The service is simple but profound. The baby’s father is required to offer the child to a Kohen, along with five shekels. The Kohen asks the father if he would rather have the coins or the child. If he chooses the child — as expected — he pays the Kohen the five shekels. The historical shekel weighed about 20 grams, so silver coins weighing 20 grams each may be used today.

“In order to perform the mitzvah,” Marozov said, “you can use anything that is equal in value to about 100 grams of silver.” Recent values put that at about $75.

Not everyone knows or has access to a Kohen, so rabbis are a great resource for help in finding one.

Michelle Starkman, director of admissions at Kadima Day School in West Hills, is the oldest of three sisters, and her extended family comprises many firstborn females, but she decided to have a pidyon ha-ben when her son was born in 2001.

“We had the pidyon ha-ben because we realized that we were given a special gift with the birth of our first son,” she said. “We borrowed from a bit of everything [from our Sephardic and Ashkenazic traditions] and crafted a ceremony that was intimate and meaningful to us. Our Kohen was our brother-in-law, and we traded coins from my husband’s personal collection.”

Starkman said the ceremony included only immediate family and was a nice contrast to her large baby showers and her son’s well-attended bris.

“The intimacy was what we cherished most and drew closure to the birth of our baby.”

It’s not typically thought of as a destination for families with children, but don’t be fooled. Despite its reputation as a sun-soaked playground for the well-heeled, Santa Barbara is also, quite literally, a playground for kids. From hands-on museums to boat rides, beaches, parks and the perennial family favorite — a zoo — this city bursts with child-friendly attractions. And, at just an hour and 40 minutes’ drive north of Los Angeles via the 101 Freeway, it makes for a very manageable family day trip or weekend excursion.

Many of Santa Barbara’s highlights are concentrated along the city’s waterfront on Cabrillo Boulevard and around the main downtown drag, State Street. Activities in this area can easily fill a full day, especially with strollers and excitable children in tow, so homing in on these two streets is a straightforward option for parents. The downtown area offers several reasonably priced public parking lots ($1.50 an hour) as well as some time-limited street parking. Alternatively, families might consider parking near the zoo and taking the city’s downtown-waterfront shuttle to the center of town. These cute turquoise-and-white buses run every 10 to 30 minutes, and can add an extra layer of intrigue for car-weary little ones unused to public transport. The fare is 50 cents for adults, and free for children under 45 inches tall.

If you can make time for only one thing on your itinerary, be sure it’s the beach. Your children will love you for it. This city of about 90,000 people offers miles and miles of sandy shoreline, so there are plenty of spots to pick. A good place to start or end the day is East Beach, located directly in front of Niños Drive, the road leading up to the Santa Barbara Zoo. Stretch out on the white sand and watch for dolphins, which are known to frequent the area.

The zoo (sbzoo.org) is the next obvious destination. While small compared with some of its counterparts farther south, its scenic setting between the Pacific Ocean and a giant saltwater lagoon makes it truly unique. Expect the kids to erupt in excitement soon after you get there, thanks to the zoo’s recent squeal-inducing arrivals — two wobbly-legged giraffes named Dane and Sunshine that were born in April. Don’t miss the sledding hill in the kids’ play area either. Who knew sliding over artificial turf on a piece of cardboard could be so much fun?

Antique carousel

A hard-to-miss landmark on any trip to Santa Barbara is Stearns Wharf, a historic wooden pier that marks the heart of the city’s downtown waterfront. However, before you get there, be sure to check out Chase Palm Park just a few blocks east and within walking distance. Be forewarned: Once your kids see this place, they might not let you leave. It has a fantastic playground in the shape of a shipwreck with climbing options galore. There’s also a concrete whale statue that spouts out water intermittently, much to the delight of unsuspecting kiddies. When they get tired of that, head over to the park’s antique carousel and grab a $2 ride to nowhere on a hand-painted horse.

Ty Warner Sea Center

At Stearns Wharf, the kids may try to drag you straight to the ice-cream shop, but there’s a better treat in store at the Ty Warner Sea Center. This marine-science center is small but packed with educational exhibits designed to engage little ones. Children get to touch starfish, pet sea slugs, stare at shark eggs and wander through a re-created tide pool. At the “Wet Deck,” they can pull up crabs and sand from the ocean floor, measure the depth of the water beneath the pier and test to see if the water is safe for swimming.

From Stearns Wharf you can catch a narrated tour on the yellow water taxi known as Lil’ Toot ($4 adults, $1 kids). This kid-friendly boat ride will take you to the nearby Santa Barbara harbor, and you have a good chance of spotting seals and pelicans along the way. Or if you’d like to spend more time by the beach, rent a four-wheeled surrey ($28 for two hours) from Wheel Fun Rentals across the street from Stearns Wharf and pedal your way along the coastal bike path.

The historic county courthouse. Photos by Claudia Boyd-Barrett

Alternatively, you can head straight up from the pier to State Street, the city’s main shopping thoroughfare, where frozen yogurt establishments abound. Young children may find the walk too much, so consider driving or taking the shuttle. Venturing into this part of downtown is a great opportunity to visit the historic Santa Barbara County Courthouse, located toward the north end of State on Anacapa Street. Children will have a great time climbing the steps of the courthouse tower, the top of which provides a bird’s-eye view of the city. Meanwhile, you get to enjoy the breathtaking beauty of this historic building with its elaborate tile work and Spanish-style architecture.

If your children — or you — are not completely exhausted by this point, or if you have more than a day to spend in Santa Barbara, there are plenty of other options to explore outside of downtown. Among them: the Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History, the Santa Barbara Botanic Garden (sbbg.org) and the Old Mission Santa Barbara.

Whenever it finally comes time for your sleepy, sand-and-frozen-yogurt-caked child to climb back into the car, the odds are that you’ll enjoy a nice, quiet drive home.

Wendy Jaffe

This mother was worried about her teenage son, who had the misfortune of being bitten by the acting bug and was dead set on his dream of becoming a Broadway actor. As much as she wanted to see her son’s name on a Times Square marquee, this mom had enough real-world experience to know this particular dream was fraught with rejection at best and impossibility at worst.

What’s a good mom to do? Sign on to the dream or encourage her Laurence Olivier to focus on something more practical?

As parents, we walk the tightrope between manipulating our children (admit it) to do things that we believe are for their own good in the long run and letting them be frivolous, live-in-the-moment children in the short run. Yes, they have to learn to read and write, but do they need to take AP English? Yes, they need to add and subtract, but do they need to struggle with calculus through their senior year? Yes? No? Maybe?

We straddle the line between Tiger Mom authoritarian and free-range parenting as we try to make the correct decisions so our children will be set on the “right” trajectory. We assume that by controlling our children’s present we will somehow be guaranteeing their future. And of course, there’s the rub: No amount of “perfect parenting” will guarantee them a “perfect adulthood.” Ultimately, their future is out of our hands.

Need proof? Look at your own life path. Was it the carefully mapped-out future your parents envisioned for you, or did it turn into something else that neither your parents nor your teenage self could have predicted?

Most lives tend to veer off course despite a seemingly predictable beginning.

Take my own life: I wanted to be an attorney like Dad, went to law school, practiced law, thought the legal system was unfair and ineffective, quit and started a candy business, got sued (proving my point about law), settled the case, got married, had kids, got a column published in the Los Angeles Times, wrote another column about almost getting killed in an accident at the farmers market in Santa Monica, got offered this column, wrote a book, got talked into “just” doing the writing for my brother’s new daily-deal business ConejoDeals.com, and now work with my brother full time.

We straddle the line between Tiger Mom authoritarian and free-range parenting as we try to make the correct decisions so our children will be set on the “right” trajectory.

If life is ultimately unpredictable, does that mean our parenting role is ultimately meaningless? Since we clearly have no control over our children’s future, does that mean we should give up in the present?

Answer: no. (And we couldn’t give up, even if we should.) But I do think it means that we need to teach our kids two things in the present about the future, and most of us don’t.

Life Is Unpredictable for Everyone, and That Is a Good Thing

Steve Jobs gave a commencement speech at Stanford University that has been replayed online millions of times. In it, he talks about dropping out of Reed College after a year and then “dropping in” to take classes he found interesting. One class he took was, of all things, a calligraphy class. He credits this one class for the typography found on every Apple computer today. Then he makes the point that our lives are all just a series of “dots” (i.e., experiences) that “you can’t connect looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.”

Do we tell our kids that life is unpredictable, full of both delicious surprises and unavoidable disasters; that it is paved with both yellow bricks and potholes? Do we tell them to experience as many dots as possible because it is impossible to know in the present where those dots will lead? We don’t, but we should.

Remember to Check for Happiness

Sometimes we are so busy telling our kids what to do so they can get from here to there that we forget to tell them to check and make sure they are happy when they get there. My friend’s son is certain that a Broadway career will make him happy. And maybe it will. But it is important to remind our children to check for happiness once they finally arrive. According to Harvard psychologist and “Stumbling on Happiness” author Daniel Gilbert, humans are unique in their ability to think about the future, but we aren’t that great at predicting what will make us happy. I predicted that being an attorney would make me happy, and it did for the first year or two that I practiced law. But as time went on, I recognized that a career in law didn’t satisfy my need to feel like I was making a difference. I was among the fortunate few to move on to things that did make me happy. I know several people who couldn’t or didn’t.

Do we teach our kids to check for happiness? Do we tell them that it is OK to frequently re-evaluate their lives and to continue to grow and change? We don’t, but we should.

What do you tell the kid who wants a dream career on Broadway, or wants to play for the Dodgers, or wants to be the next Bill Gates or the next Adele? You tell them to go for it. If they fail, it will be a dot that connects them to something else. And if they make it, they will learn that they are responsible for their own destiny.

Macaroni and Cheese. Photos by Dan Kacvinski. Food coordinated by Judy Zeidler

Kids can be picky eaters, but there are several dishes that they always seem to enjoy. Among the dishes that seem to be popular from generation to generation: pizza, pasta, macaroni and cheese, peanut butter and jelly and grilled cheese. 

Too often, though, these meals are not filled with the nutrition that kids need. Fortunately, I have some recipes for these dishes that are healthy and delicious. Kids also like foods that are colorful and pleasing to the eye.

Pizza: The best-known pizza — Margherita — is usually topped with tomatoes and melted cheese, but if you make your own you have a lot more control over the ingredients. Many grocery stores sell fresh or frozen pizza dough, or you can make the dough yourself. Just roll it out, and fill bowls with different toppings, such as grated cheese, onions, mushrooms, roasted red peppers, zucchini, olives and anchovies, and let the kids create their own fantasy. Then simply bake and serve. 

Pasta: I don’t know anyone, especially kids, who would turn down a steaming bowl of pasta tossed with butter or fresh tomato sauce. Pure comfort food for kids and grown-ups alike. Whether made at home or eaten at an Italian restaurant, spaghetti is always a crowd-pleaser. A tomato-based sauce has a lot of potassium, making it a healthy choice. Make it even healthier and different by pureeing additional vegetables, such as sautéed red peppers, zucchini or even eggplant, and blend them into the sauce. Also consider using whole-wheat pasta.

Macaroni and cheese: Penne, bow tie or corkscrew pasta combined with cheese makes the perfect combination for a quick treat that kids love. When our children were small, their favorite dish was mac and cheese made from a store-bought mix, with its powdered “cheese” ingredient. I still remember the Kraft package that I always used, until I found a recipe that was equally delicious, but more nutritious. Add a cup of carrots and peas for added color and flavor. 

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches: The classic peanut butter and jelly sandwich has been the family lunchbox staple for years. This popular sandwich is actually a good meal choice, as peanut butter is filled with protein. Try grinding peanuts in your food processor to make your own, and if anyone is allergic to peanuts, you can use cashews or almonds. For a healthier sandwich, use whole-wheat bread and add jelly, but keep it to 100 percent fruit.

Grilled cheese sandwich: When my husband and I are in Italy, we love the melted cheese panini they serve at the Autogrills. They are the closest to a grilled cheese sandwich you can get. A ridged frying pan or electric panini maker is fun and simple to use, and kids will love making their own hot sandwich. 

There are plenty of fleishig favorites, too, for others who are in the mood for a meaty meal instead:

Hamburgers: Made famous by the marketers of fast-food franchises, hamburgers can be an occasional food that is fun to prepare at home. You can make them enticing and creative at the same time, by using turkey or a veggie mixture. Top with tomatoes, lettuce and sautéed onions. Experiment with different types of lettuces like arugula, romaine or spinach.

Oven-fried chicken drumsticks: My family loves my oven-fried chicken legs coated with ground almonds or panko crumbs. Dipping these tasty drumsticks into a delicious array of sauces makes them even more fun to eat. Serve them with mashed potatoes, fried sweet potato chips or peas. Making these finger foods at home allows you to bake the drumsticks instead of frying them.

PIZZA WITH CLASSIC TOMATO SAUCE AND CREATIVE TOPPINGS

∗ 2 packages active dry yeast
∗ Pinch sugar
∗ 1 1/4 cups warm water (110-115 F)
∗ 1/4 cup plus 3 tablespoons
∗ olive oil
∗ 1 teaspoon salt
∗ 3 1/2 cups flour
∗ 1/4 to 1/2 cup cornmeal
∗ Classic Tomato Sauce (recipe follows)
∗ Toppings, such as mushrooms, anchovies, onions, zucchini and roasted peppers
∗ 2 to 3 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
∗ 1 1/2 to 2 cups grated Parmesan cheese

Preheat the oven to 400 or 450 F.

Dissolve the yeast with the sugar in 1/2 cup of the warm water and set aside until foamy. 

In a large mixing bowl, combine the remaining 3/4 cup water, 1/4 cup olive oil and yeast mixture. Stir in salt and flour, 1 cup at a time, until the dough begins to come together into a rough ball. Turn onto a floured board and knead into a large ball, adding enough additional flour until smooth and no longer sticky. Oil the top of dough lightly, and cover with a clean kitchen towel. (You may use the dough at this point or let it rise, kneading every 10 to 15 minutes.)

Divide the dough into 4 or 5 pieces; knead each piece into a ball. Working with one ball at a time, roll it out on a floured board into a thin circle about 8 to 10 inches. Brush a round pizza-baking pan with oil and sprinkle with some of the cornmeal. Place the rolled-out dough on top of the cornmeal.

Spoon a thin coating of the Classic Tomato Sauce onto the pizza dough, spreading it with the back of a spoon to within 1 inch of the edge. Add any other toppings you desire, such as mushrooms, anchovies, onions, zucchini and roasted peppers. Sprinkle generously with mozzarella and Parmesan cheese. Drizzle with some of the remaining olive oil and bake on the lowest rack of the oven for 10 minutes, or until the crust is crisp and brown and the cheese is hot and bubbling. Serve immediately.

Repeat with remaining balls of dough.

Makes 4 to 5 pizzas, 4 to 6 servings each.

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CLASSIC TOMATO SAUCE

∗ 3 tablespoons olive oil
∗ 3 garlic cloves, minced
∗ 2 onions, finely chopped
∗ 1 red bell pepper, chopped
∗ 2 carrots, finely chopped
∗ 2 celery stalks, finely chopped
∗ 1 can (28 ounces) whole peeled tomatoes
∗ 1 cup dry red wine
∗ 1 tablespoon minced fresh oregano or 1 teaspoon dried
∗ 1 tablespoon minced fresh basil or 1 teaspoon dried
∗ 2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley
∗ 1/2 teaspoon sugar
∗ Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

In a heavy skillet, heat the olive oil. Add the garlic, onions, red pepper, carrots and celery, and sauté until the onions are transparent. Add the tomatoes with their liquid, red wine, oregano, basil, parsley and sugar. Bring to a boil and simmer over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until thick, about 30 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Transfer to a bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and set aside.

Makes about 2 1/2 cups.

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MACARONI AND CHEESE

∗ Sauce (recipe follows)
∗ 1/2 pound macaroni, shells or other shape pastas
∗ 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
∗ 1 1/2 cups mixed grated hard cheeses, such as aged cheddar, Gruyere and Parmesan
∗ 1/2 cup cream
∗ Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat the oven to 350 F.

Butter a 9-inch square baking dish or 4 to 6 individual baking dishes.

Prepare the Sauce; set aside.

Bring a large pot three-fourth full of salted water to a boil, add the pasta, and cook until al dente, according to the package directions. Drain, transfer to a bowl, and stir in the butter. Add the Sauce, 1 cup of the cheese and the cream, and stir to combine. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Pour the pasta into the prepared baking dish(es) and sprinkle the remaining 1/2 cup cheese over the top(s). Bake until golden and bubbling, about 30 minutes. Let stand 5 minutes before serving.

Makes 4 to 6 servings.

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SAUCE

∗ 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
∗ 1/4 cup flour
∗ 3 cups whole milk
∗ 1 small onion, thinly sliced
∗ 1/2 bay leaf
∗ Pinch grated nutmeg
∗ Salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

 

In a saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Stir in flour and cook, stirring, until the mixture forms a ball, about 1 minute. Remove from the heat and whisk in the milk, 1 cup at a time, mixing after each addition, until smooth. Return the pan to medium heat and whisk until the mixture comes to a boil. Add the onion, bay leaf and nutmeg, and season with salt and pepper to taste. Reduce heat to low and cook, stirring frequently, until thickened, about 10 minutes. Strain through a fine-mesh sieve into a large bowl, and cover to keep warm.

Makes about 2 1/2 to 3 cups.

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Judy Zeidler is a food consultant and author of “Italy Cooks” (Mostarda Press, 2011). Her Web site is JudyZeidler.com

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